My Top 10 Songs of 2013

Here's my top 10 new songs for this year. They span across different genres, but all seek to glorify God:

• Citizens - Made Alive
• Oceans - Hillsong
• Break Every Chain - Tasha Cobbs
• Instruments of Mercy - Beautiful Eulogy
• Believe - Lecrae
• You Will - Andy Mineo
• Caught Dreaming - Andy Mineo
• Remain - Royal Tailor
• Starts With Me - Tim Timmons
• Rainbows - Benjah

Can't wait to hear the songs of 2014!

My favorite songs (at the moment)

The first verse from Lecrae's Don't Waste Your Life is classic Christian Hip Hop. It's a standard I compare other Christian Hip Hop songs too.

I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
Couple of em thinking they'll be living in the sky
But while I'm here living man I gotta ask why, what am here for I gotta figure out
Waste my life
No I gotta make it count
If Christ is real then what am I gonna do about it
All of the things in Luke 12:15 down to 21
You really ought to go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain't resurrect then we wasted our lives
Well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
Everyday I'm living trying show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
Better than pretty women and sinning and living 
to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
Ain't no lie
We created for Him
Outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
He made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
Resurrects him
So I know I got life
Matter fact better man I know I got Christ
If you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
Man I lost my rights
I lost my life
Forget the money cars and toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price.

Outside of Christian Hip Hop, Hillsong's Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) is a great song. The lyrics are about Peter walking on the water, but we all have been challenged to trust God and have faith at some point so it's very relate-able.

Et tu, Doctor?

I was at the doctor's office for my final follow up post my surgery. He asked me if I had been snoring more, and I told him I wouldn't know because I was asleep, but the neighbors weren't complaining.
The conversation then went like this:
Are you married?
No...
Do you have a boyfriend?
No...
A roommate?
No. I live alone.
A friend had interrogated me similary before, and added, "Not even a dog?"
He asked me why I wasn't married, and noted people my age were getting married when they are older. As if that's something I haven't desired wholeheartedly for years. As if I'm not tired of my mom asking me when she's going to get grandchildren. I don't even want a wedding, just a great marriage. I used to wish I had been born in a country that had arranged marriages.
I didn't tell him I had been engaged in college. But my ex and I were, in two words, unequally yoked. I thank God often that the relationship ended when it did. I thought another man would never be interested in me, but I've realized I'd rather be single than to have to compromise my values in order to be with someone. About five years later, I haven't been on one date since, but my relationship with God has grown greatly.
Sometimes I think, would it really be so horrible if I never married? If that was God's will for my life. I could always come and go as I please, and would be better off financially without kids, among other things. I'd be spared of those troubles Paul talked about and be able to completely focus on pleasing God, my first love. I've been single the majority of my life, and the company isn't that bad. I'm an introvert so I don't mind doing things alone. Not sure if I am being selfish, but just a realist in those moments. For whatever reason men aren't interested in me enough to pursue, and I can't do much about that. I vowed never to show more interest in a guy than he shows in me again. When I like someone, I go above and beyond for them, which guys have taken advantage of in the past. While I still will, but not because I'm desperate due to self worth issues anymore. I've made men idols, but I've repented and been delivered from that.
But then there are days when I come home from a long day's work and just wish I could hug someone and vent. Or the desire for children that would outlive me creeps in. And I remember my dream deferred.
I've fantasized about meeting the perfect guy countless times. The one who'll never let me down, who understands me completely, would die for me, the whole 9 yards. I've searched crowds for his face. But I'm learning who my Mr. Perfect really is, Jesus. He already died for me. He's even jealous for me! My future husband, on his best day, like me, is a sinner deserving of hell. He'll probably have some habits I can't stand either and vice versa. Especially if I do snore. But thank God for grace. I have to trust that He will bring us together in His perfect timing.

The Decision

So I've decided against locing my hair for now. The cost (time and money) is too high for me currently. During my consultation the trichologist recommended cutting most of my hair off and starting fresh. I suggested doing gradual cuts but she said I would get the most benefit from cutting it all off at the same time. I bought some of the hair products she makes. After a lot of thinking over the weekend I called her and made an appointment for the 17th to cut it off. At the end of the day, I want my hair to be healthy over long. I know this time around I want to commit to regular trims and do natural protein and moisture treatments. I also want to be just healthier overall by drinking more water, exercising regularly, and watching my diet. My biggest concern is what's preventing the same the issues I've been having from happening again after it's cut off. My hair care regimens have improved through research over the years, but what if that's not enough? What it's due to something beyond my control like hard water? 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to cast my anxieties on my Creator, because He cares for me. I am cutting my hair in faith that it will grow back healthier than it has ever been. But long or short, He loves me just as I am.

This is hard for me to deal with because cutting off my hair seems counterproductive to growing it longer. I remember wanting my hair to be long for most of my life. I guess I associated long (and straight before I went natural) hair with femininity. I need to let go of that. Biblical femininity does not have to do with external things like looks, or preferences like loving pink. It deals with the heart, having a gentle and quiet spirit. (1st Peter 3:4). What pleases Him the most is what's on the inside. And if that's good enough for God, then it should be good enough for me. In fact, God told Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." when he was looking for the next king.  That's something I really love about God. His standards never change, while culture might like bell bottoms one day and skinny jeans the next. I would drive myself crazy trying to keep up with and please the world. When my hair was short in the past I felt unattractive, and feeling that way probably made me seem more that way than how I actually looked. I am going to try to be more confident this time around.Who knows, maybe I will get hooked on the low maintenance and want to keep it short!

Contemplating A Change

I stopped getting perms put in my hair around March 2008 and cut off all my permed hair in August that year. Honestly it has been pretty challenging, especially when I did not have that much length. This was due to many reasons, including my lack of styling knowledge. I barely know how to do things such as cornrow, not for lack of trying. I even bought a mannequin head to practice styles on. However the mannequin has straight hair, and my hair texture is anything but that. I struggle with single strand knots and massive detangling issues even when I moisturize, seal, and twist my hair every night.

I began to wonder why God gave me this hair texture. Every day I see women of other races who effortlessly have great looking hair. Their hair is naturally straight so they've never had to deal with things I go through. Just to get my hair trimmed it needs to be blown out and I risk getting heat damage. I try to remember Romans 9:20, "But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?', but it doesn't seem fair at times. I have tried many different things and spent a lot of money trying to get my hair to just be healthy.  I've learned about hair pH balance, protein/moisture balance, porosity, and so on. I've tried to apply this research to my hair regimen and have seen some improvements, but then there are things out of my hands such as hard water and my low iron count that might be contributing to my issues. I don't want to make my hair an idol. I've been doing a lot of research on Sisterlocks (tiny uniform locks that are the result of a precision parting grid, and the use a specialized tool used to place the hair into its locking formation) and think they might be a good option for me. I only know two women with Sisterlocks but there are a plethora of women who have blogs and youtube channels about them. I get excited at the thought of never having to deal with straightening my hair again or putting in fake hair. Being thinner and lighter than traditional locks, they would put the least amount of stress on my scalp. I am giving myself time to think about it because they are a big investment. I will also not do them until I am debt free and have saved up money for them. My last car payment should be in early July. Ideally, if I decide on them, it would be between August and December this year. 

I have an appointment this upcoming week with a trichologist. I've had a lot of breakage in certain areas an only wear my hair in buns to try to prevent further damage and cover the breakage. I will tell her I am thinking about Sisterlocking and get her opinion. I will also have to decide if I want her to cut my hair to reduce the cost of installing the sisterlocks. My hair stretches past my armpits but due to natural shrinkage it never looks close to that. I pray God leads me in the right direction.

Sisterlock Pros

• No detangling/ single strand knots
• Easier styling
• Easier regimen
• No bad hair days
• Don't have to worry about exercise/rain/etc

Sisterlock Cons

• Costs
• I will have to rely on someone else to maintain my hair on 6-8 week schedule (can take several hours) unless I learn how to retighten my hair myself. I probably wouldn't do this until I've had them in for at least two years. However I don't think I would mind this because it takes me about 7 hours to do my hair on wash day before styling.
• Not sure how it will be perceived in the office.
• I live in a small city that's in-between two larger cities where Sisterlock consultants are located. I will have somewhat of a commute to get my hair maintained (Update: I found a consultant in my county who is about 15 miles closer to me)

Artist Spotlight: Beautiful Eulogy

Beautiful Eulogy is a group under the Humble Beast label. There really isn't a box to put them in. One might say they are a Christian folk band, another might say they produce very conscious Christian hip hop music with a side of humor.You have to experience it for yourself. This group from Portland has only had one album so far titled Satellite Kite, but this is definitely quality over quantity. The first video is them performing the song "Beautiful Eulogy" live. The second video is a song from Lecrae's Church Clothes mixtape featuring two of Beautiful Eulogy's members plus another Humble Beast label, previously featured artist on my blog, Propaganda.

Book Review: A Voice in the Wind

The weekend before last I was pretty sick, so I didn't do much. I ended up picking up, A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers, one of my many unread books. I ordered it from Amazon because I had enjoyed her book Redeeming Love. A Voice in the Wind was over 500 hundred pages, I remember thinking "I'll never finish this." I had to stop myself around page 400 Saturday night to go to sleep only to finish the rest after church the next day. I haven't been this lost in book in a long time. It's pretty fast paced and chapters are told by different characters so it's almost like 3 books in one.Without giving away too much, the book is about a young Christian girl named Hadassah (I initially thought this was going to be a tale of Esther, since Redeeming Love was a modern tale of Hosea) who became a Roman slave after her hometown was taken over by Rome. Hadassah's faith is tested many times, but she remembers the scriptures her father taught her. She personifies 1 Peter 2:18, "Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh." It made me reflect on how I treat others, especially my coworkers, since our work is ultimately for the Lord. It is the first book of a trilogy. I am going to order the second book soon. I highly recommend this book!

Spoken Word - Counterfeit Gods

This is a great piece from Jefferson Bethke called Counterfeit Gods.
It has a lot of conviction 

My Favorite Apps

Since apps were introduced, I've gone through my fair share. I've gone through my fair share of phones and laptops too lol. You could say every app that I've downloaded has fallen into 3 categories, used a little and uninstalled, used sporadically like my app that shows the lowest gas prices, and daily use. But these are the top 3 that add the most value to my life and push me towards Christ.

Google Reader (gReader) 

Google Reader lets you group all the blogs you follow together to see all their posts at the same time without having to go to each individual website. I follow many blogs, mostly faith based and some personal finance ones.  It's great that I can read them on the go, or quickly see who's updated. A new feature I've discovered is that you can get the app to read you posts audibly. It's pretty neat, but it says Jesus's name with the Spanish pronunciation lol.

3/29/13 Update: Of course right after I posted this Google announced that it was taking down Google Reader July 1. So far I've been trying out Feebly as an alternative. Feebly syncs all feeds from Google Reader. 

You Version

This is a Bible app. You can download different versions of the Bible to read offline when you're not getting a good signal. I currently read the New International Version most of the time. You can bookmark scriptures of the same topic together for easy reference. There's also devotionals and reading plans you can complete. I read the whole bible in 2011 with a reading plan.

Spotify 

Whenever technology and music meet, I'm in my happy place. Spotify is a virtual streaming collection of almost every song ever made. You can make your own playlists and even listen to them offline. Once I stopped listening to secular music, this was the perfect place to find new favorite songs and artists. I like it better than Pandora because I can pick exactly what I want to listen to.

Honorable Mention 

Stitcher

I don't use Stitcher that much anymore, but it's great if you listen to podcasts a lot. In a nutshell, it's like Google Reader for podcasts.

What Does Being a Christian Mean (To You) ?

There is a difference between asking someone what being a Christian means, and what being a Christian means to them personally. It's just like the difference between reading about God in the Bible and knowing God. Most people will say that being a Christian means you are saved by grace though faith. They usually reference Romans 10:9. If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. This is true, but even demons know Jesus was raised on the third day. America claims to be a Christian nation, but our actions speak louder than words. Our culture is entertained by what God hates. In turn, it seems like shows compete to be the most sinful, with names such as "Scandal" and "Deception" to get our ever changing attention. Secular music artists try to be the most provocative, and so on. But as the Bible says, there is nothing new under the sun. For example, Romans used murder to entertain and pacify the crowds via gladiators (sound familiar Scandal fans?).

This desensitizes us to sin, and make us think it's ok to be worldly,  God loves me no matter what. That is true, but once you confess to be a Christian, you are saying you are new creation.  You are saying,  "I am putting to death the old me that found pleasure in sin though intimacy with my Creator". This comes through spending time with God, though prayer and reading the Word. You are called to be holy, simply because God is holy. A doer not merely a hearer of the Word. Seek God - the narrow path that leads to life - with all your heart, like your earthly life and eternity depend on it, because they do.

In fact, we were all created for His glory, but we replaced that with  making ourselves our own gods, separating us from Him. Of course, we are nowhere near worthy of such a title. That is why Jesus was sent to Earth to die for our sins, to reconcile us back to Him. To free us from sin and the laws of the old covenant, in which sin could only being atoned, not covered. Because of that we have a relationship with Him. That, in essence, is the Gospel. Why would you want to continue living in a way that caused Him to die for you in the first place?

You are known by your fruit, your deeds. A bad tree can't produce good fruit and a good fruit can't produce bad fruit. Obedience is more important than what you say. The Bible says there are people who prophesy in His name that He never knew, and will not go to Heaven. Jesus said in John 8:51  "I tell you the truth, anyone who obeys my teaching will never die!" This is in reference to spiritual death. The Word will make you want to get to know God deeply. Far beyond the culture's complacency of surface knowledge. To love what He loves, and hate what he hates. A true encounter with Christ will change you, and take you from lukewarm to on fire for Him. Notice I did not say you will be perfect, nor things will be perfect. However you will be on a path of growth and everything will work for your good.

So what is the evidence of your salvation? Does your lifestyle match your words?
What is your greatest influence? As pastor of the Gathering Oasis church  Cornelius Lindsay says, "Do you hate the sin you once loved?".
These are questions we must continuously ask ourselves.

If you have time please listen to this sermon by Paul Washer here.

Artist Spotlight: Michael Tait

Michael Tait has been the lead singer of the popular Christian band Newsboys since 2009. He was previously was a member of DC Talk group with Toby Mac and Kevin Max. DC Talk won 4 Grammys (Toby Mac won a Grammy for his solo album this year). They all met at Liberty University during their college years. He also has other projects such as contributing to books and solo albums. He taught himself how to play the guitar and has a song with one of my favorite Christian hip hop artists Lecrae called Bring Us Home based on Joshua featuring Blanca Callahan from Group 1 Crew. I would have loved to be in the studio when they recorded that!

Spoken Word - Identity Crisis of a Misfit

"Identity Crisis of a Misfit" by poet Ezekiel is one of my favorite pieces. He is affiliated with the Passion 4 Christ Ministries in California (P4CM). Everytime I listen to it I hear something new.

Lecrae for the Win!

One of my favorite Christian hip hop artists  Lecrae, won the Best Gospel Album Grammy recently for his album Gravity. I have listened to it regularly since I pre-ordered the album last year. I also went to the Unashamed tour  in Orlando featuring him and other artists of the Reach Records label last October. Since I stopped listening to secular music, I've greatly appreciated their music as it deals with real life issues but still glorifies God and not the rapper or culture. My favorite songs on the album are Power Trip and Gravity.

Artist Spotlight: Propaganda

Propaganda is an artist (graffiti and hip hop) under the Humble Beast label. Like Reach Records, this is a Christian label. The artists under Humble Beast provide a great balance to Reach Records artists, which i might go into more detail in another post. Propaganda is one of the deepest Christian hip hop artist out there. His lyrics are profound and thought provoking. His social consciousness mixed with theology is reflected in his latest album "Excellent". I would have stopped listening to secular music long ago if I knew of artists like him.

New Season

Hi, my name is Bri! I'm a native of Central Florida. I've kept a journal pretty much since I knew how to I write. As an introvert, sometimes I felt more comfortable writing than speaking. I also began to like technology, so when I discovered online blogging it just seemed natural to start one.  I kept a blog on blogger since around 2004 but I felt compelled to stop around last year. Since then a lot has happened in my life, which had led me closer to God than I've ever been. I've grown emotionally and spiritually and my writing style has grown as well. So now I am giving blogging another chance. Thanks for joining me on my new journey!